Ever
since I was young I had difficulty with fitting in. At the time I did not quite
understand why it was like that, nor did I bother myself with questioning the
meaning behind it. But since recently, I cannot not do it. The best answer I
have yet found is to blame it on the constant fight between the Introvert and
the Extrovert inside me. Granted, there are not a lot of Extrovert qualities in
me, yet still, the fight goes on. I often want to be the guy who is in good
terms with everyone, maybe even everyone’s “buddy” but then again the Introvert
inside me does not like to be in center of attention often. What’s more, my
inner Introvert is not really keen on people who are friends with everyone. I
am sure it might be fun and rewarding sometimes but I do a better job when I am
concentrated on one thing. To me it always seems that people who are everyone’s
good friend might come across as not truly earnest. Have you ever noticed how
easily I get off topic? While I do often want to be that guy, I still cannot force
myself to do that. It does not feel natural to me. While the Introvert inside
me is not trying to be everyone’s friend, he still gets half there, on his own
pace. It might be one of the reasons why I like to hold on to things I already
know, since it is quite a challenge to build something similar from ground up.
There is something
inside me, constantly questioning my own idea of me.
One day, I am in
love with myself, with how I look, how I come across, how I don’t care if
anyone sees me lip syncing my favorite song of Radiohead in the bus or notice
me trying not to laugh out loud at the tech related pun I just heard listening
to The Vergecast.
The other, I doubt
everything about me, my love for photography, my ability to create, ability to
be something more than average. Those days I truly think that being great even
extraordinary at one thing is much better than being average at several things.
A counter attack
against vulgarism 2.0
