Dear Ms. X

"it's a self-defense thing, you see"

We could be sitting in some common cafe and i would casually ask:
- X? - while looking down to my lap.
- m? - i would feel my hands getting sweaty and for a second or two i would reconsider this stupidly risky idea.
- i know you don't know me as well as you would want to and i know we have met for just a couple of times - my voice would crack, You would turn Your head to me and then i would lift my head to look at You - i feel something more than just friendship for You. i don't have anyone else i can be so. . . myself around - and you would say . . . well i wouldn't like to guess. i always go for the worst in these kind of things.

i could write a letter.
to tell you that
i like the fact that You always glow with warmth,
You're always willing to be with me, although i am not sure that it is the thing You want,
Your smile is one thing i can never get enough,
You can always teach me something new and i hope that's the same the other way around,
i usually say stupid things, because i feel cozy around You, i don't over think things,
i know that it is selfish of me, but i can't hold on to these feelings alone anymore,
and i am pretty sure love became a very confusing thing for me,
but i care for you as much as it is possible for a monster like me.

decisions decisions....logic really doesn't help in love matters.

ibenathan.deviantart.com

Marry me

      I'm in some kind of restaurant. She's sitting on the other side of the table, smiling. I look around. My eyes meets the eyes of a person near our table, he looks at me and then at her and immediately turns his head back to his table. I look at her, she's still smiling and now she's talking about something. My tea is just barely warm. There's an untouched piece of lemon near the cup. "are you listening Nathan ?". She's worried about my mood. I could tell it from her face, her eyebrows are faintly frowned and she sets this very serious but full of warmth voice. I nod my head, both in agreement with the fact that I am alright and that I am listening, though my mind is somewhere else at that moment. I notice a couple of more people glancing at us and sort of frowning in disapproval. Finally I am able to concentrate on what she's talking about. She was telling me how she wants to spend her summer vacation. You could see happiness glowing in her eyes. I wanted to say - "I want to go with you.". But my mind successfully convinced me that I should keep my mouth shut. I wouldn't be able to make her happy. Or so we believed.

www.flickr.com/people/drierp/

me and Her

we say goodbye and see you later.

She smiles and takes the bus to home.

i smile and think, "how well it went"

She thinks "he's quite...uncommon" and smiles as she remembers how much she smiled while he was with her.

i think, how many things i've told her, things i'd feel stupid to talk about with others.

She thinks "I wish I knew what he's thinking".

i wish i knew what kind of person does she want.

She stops to think as She is certain, he's what She wants, but She'll let him fight for her.

i lie in bed and think "what could i have to make her happy, how could i know if she wants me"

She goes to bed and falls asleep, calm to know "I like him so"

i lie in bed and think "would i be able to make her happy the way she wants to be happy"

She sleeps.
i try to go to sleep.

oberst176.deviantart.com

what you should know about Nathan Grey

1. a cute girl is a 100 times more beautiful than a model
2. he can easily fall in love with a cute girl even if he's seeing her for the first time
3. wear a dress and his eyes are going to melt from the joy
4. eyes and hair are the first things he sees in girl
5. don't try to act too wise for your age, that isn't cute
6. don't swear, don't smoke, don't abuse alcohol or you'll fall in his eyes forever
7. he likes challenges....but not the impossible ones
8. he doesn't like to play games
9. he is shy, you can even say that he is overly/super shy
10. he is never content with himself, never
11. he doesn't like shallow people
12. he has a secret problem which he only shares with people closest to him
13. he's weirder than he looks
14. he might be fighting for you without you noticing it
15. there's nothing more important to him than his family
16. never be afraid to speak your opinion to him
17. you can always be sure that he's gonna take care of you, just don't be afraid to look vulnerable
18. give him time to get used to you
19. there's a lot to know about him
20. don't be afraid to look childish with him, he's a child too

sabai.deviantart.com

I am a 19-year old who...

loves to walk on sidewalk curbs.

loves spending time with his family.

considers his sister to be one of his best friends.

enjoys taking long walks.

enjoys listening to music like Cinematic Orchestra.

often dreams to live in 1940s or even 1850s.

is a never dying romanticist.

overrates logic in life.

doesn't know how to act around a girl he likes.

loves to spend his time with people he loves without alcohol or drugs.

can be emotionless sometimes.

is easily irritated by nowadays way of communication.

loves to walk on sidewalk curbs.

jacinabox3408.deviantart.com

Laughter

I hate to see pretty girls like that sitting alone. The first thought that always hits me is to go and sit near her, talk to her, ask her what or who is she waiting for, maybe try and make her laugh. I love to see girls laugh, they are the most pretty when they laugh, smile or are very focused about something. Me on the other hand… I remember my friend once told me “You keep faking a smile or a laugh” I felt embarrassed because my mask has been seen trough and I admitted it, “You shouldn’t do that, just don’t smile or laugh, instead of faking it”. I try, really hard, but the thing is that I very rarely find things to be as funny as it is for other people. For instance in middle-school my classmates would laugh until they stomachs hurt, if another classmate says something inappropriate or makes a silly mistake without noticing it, I would smile, try to fake a laugh or just look down, so no one would see my reaction. I have to admit, I don’t know if I can actually laugh anym…

- Watch out! – a scream woke me up from my day dreaming just in time for me to jump back evading a bicyclist. Apparently I’m not the only one daydreaming.
- Thank you, that was really close, you saved me and my camera – when I finally lifted up my eyes to look at my savior I saw the same girl at witch I was pointing my camera moments ago.

loveerica.deviantart.com

A counter-attack against vulgarism I

Sometimes apathy overruns my head and plays a game called "everyone around me seems to have absolutely different view of life" and it's mostly true. Every single person sees life diversely. I, on the other hand, tend to think that I have a more peculiar view of life. Since I can remember I had always used logic to find a solution to any problem. I would consider every outcome of every possible solution and choose the one which would make me most happy. This rule would apply even when trying to find a solution for problems related to "love":

-           Would you like a refill, Nate? - a pleasant voice of a waitress interrupted my mind.

-           No, thank you, I'm good - she smiled at me and walked away to the other table.

I was having breakfast in a small restaurant called "Eden", the name itself attracted me the moment I saw it and after a while it became a tradition to have breakfast here. I prefer having breakfast here because this way I can enjoy my morning and don't have to spend time making the breakfast myself, not that I'm in a hurry, I have been unemployed for a week now. This also has something to do with my "peculiar" way of seeing life. I had a well-paid job but I didn't enjoy it, so a couple of months later I decided to quit. I had earned enough money to last me for another couple of months so at the moment I wasn't concerned about not having a job.

            "Eden" was a small but quiet restaurant and that was probably my favorite feature about it. I love being around people but too much noise instantly makes me grab my headphones and isolate myself from the environment. The people working in the restaurant were all nice individuals, I mean they were never rude with their customers and they understood the fact that I'm not much of a "conversation starter", so they would usually leave me alone with my plate of waffles and a cup of fruit tea:

-           Thanks for the breakfast Jeremy! - I shouted through the noise of the kitchen to the chef.

-           Have a nice morning Nate! - I paid my bill and left the restaurant. It was a beautiful morning in the city. I wasn't much of a driver so I went to the bus stop and took the bus going to the central park. It was spring so I couldn't imagine a better place to relax then the central park, lying on the grass and enjoying the early breeze. As always I took my camera with me and I was feeling in the mood to take some pictures. One would think that after 8 years of living in the same city one would run out of things to shoot. But every day is different from another, every day you can see something unique. I was taking photos of the fountain, of all the people in the park, sometimes it feels like just pushing the shutter button is enough to have fun with photography, the sound of the mirror going up and down is probably my favorite sound in the world. I turned to the right, the lens of my photo camera was pointing to a girl sitting alone on the bench wearing a beautiful, colorful dress.

hiritai.deviantart.com