so it has been a year since my last entry. what has changed ? well, not a huge amount of things, but they are important.
probably the very core problem of this whole blog thingy has not been altered significantly yet. meaning that i still do not have a girlfriend. that being said, i was able to break my previous dating record. so instead of my longest relationship ever lasting one month, now i can proudly say that it has been surpassed by whole three months....do the math yourself.
what was it like ? simply put ? it was great! I got to cuddle a lot, which is probably my favorite thing ever. i got to watch movies AND cuddle at the same time...freaking heaven i tell ya and in general i had a source to where i could put all of the unused caring i have stored up.
now that being said..can't say that i have used much of it, at least from the way i remember it. something was off, maybe not from the very beginning but i started to feel it later on. i could have been more caring, i could have been more masculine but we learn from our mistakes.
was going to make a whole new paragraph questioning why people feel the urge to hide their smoking habits from me before i even get a chance to mention it and then i remembered that this whole blog thingy exists. i feel gratitude for the person being able to resist that urge while being with me but i also feel like a grade A moron for forcing someone to do that. but if you think that somehow changed my outlook on that you would be damn wrong.
in the end we broke up mainly because i did not think we had enough things to talk about.
how has it been since ? it has been fucky. about the only thing worse than actually getting a thing you dream of is the feeling that follows after finally getting that thing and then losing it. if before i didn't entirely know what it feels like to be so close to someone, now i do and i miss it. not a life shattering issue, but one that stays with you for the long haul.
since then everything in regards to finding a significant other has mostly been a train wreck. several girls showed interest in me and then suddenly lost it. one time i had an idea of getting together with a girl simply based on how stunning her body is but then i felt like an ass for thinking that and did not go through with it. i have, for several times, fallen in and out of affection with a girl who i do not think has ever looked at me that way at all and simply i do not think that we would fit together well, at least not now. and for the very few last times i have made a fool of myself by showing my affections out in the open to someone who was not looking for it.
phew, okay, let's move on to something more positive.
i truly think that i have ran out of fucks to give this year. i started to think about what i really want and about how i can get it. it started with simple things. i got my first tattoo, i showed initiative at work to do something more than just my job. i started to dream bigger. and it got bigger. i started to speak more honestly with myself and slowly but steadily with others. i stopped caring about what others want me to look like and i have started caring about how i want to look like. i have stopped thinking about what others will think when they see me. i have pierced my septum, i have changed my glasses and i have dyed my hair blonde. now i can not wait to open the next page on my book and i am already making plans for that, but that is for 2015.
