Dear Ms. X

"it's a self-defense thing, you see"

We could be sitting in some common cafe and i would casually ask:
- X? - while looking down to my lap.
- m? - i would feel my hands getting sweaty and for a second or two i would reconsider this stupidly risky idea.
- i know you don't know me as well as you would want to and i know we have met for just a couple of times - my voice would crack, You would turn Your head to me and then i would lift my head to look at You - i feel something more than just friendship for You. i don't have anyone else i can be so. . . myself around - and you would say . . . well i wouldn't like to guess. i always go for the worst in these kind of things.

i could write a letter.
to tell you that
i like the fact that You always glow with warmth,
You're always willing to be with me, although i am not sure that it is the thing You want,
Your smile is one thing i can never get enough,
You can always teach me something new and i hope that's the same the other way around,
i usually say stupid things, because i feel cozy around You, i don't over think things,
i know that it is selfish of me, but i can't hold on to these feelings alone anymore,
and i am pretty sure love became a very confusing thing for me,
but i care for you as much as it is possible for a monster like me.

decisions decisions....logic really doesn't help in love matters.

ibenathan.deviantart.com

Marry me

      I'm in some kind of restaurant. She's sitting on the other side of the table, smiling. I look around. My eyes meets the eyes of a person near our table, he looks at me and then at her and immediately turns his head back to his table. I look at her, she's still smiling and now she's talking about something. My tea is just barely warm. There's an untouched piece of lemon near the cup. "are you listening Nathan ?". She's worried about my mood. I could tell it from her face, her eyebrows are faintly frowned and she sets this very serious but full of warmth voice. I nod my head, both in agreement with the fact that I am alright and that I am listening, though my mind is somewhere else at that moment. I notice a couple of more people glancing at us and sort of frowning in disapproval. Finally I am able to concentrate on what she's talking about. She was telling me how she wants to spend her summer vacation. You could see happiness glowing in her eyes. I wanted to say - "I want to go with you.". But my mind successfully convinced me that I should keep my mouth shut. I wouldn't be able to make her happy. Or so we believed.

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