Dear Ms. X

"it's a self-defense thing, you see"

We could be sitting in some common cafe and i would casually ask:
- X? - while looking down to my lap.
- m? - i would feel my hands getting sweaty and for a second or two i would reconsider this stupidly risky idea.
- i know you don't know me as well as you would want to and i know we have met for just a couple of times - my voice would crack, You would turn Your head to me and then i would lift my head to look at You - i feel something more than just friendship for You. i don't have anyone else i can be so. . . myself around - and you would say . . . well i wouldn't like to guess. i always go for the worst in these kind of things.

i could write a letter.
to tell you that
i like the fact that You always glow with warmth,
You're always willing to be with me, although i am not sure that it is the thing You want,
Your smile is one thing i can never get enough,
You can always teach me something new and i hope that's the same the other way around,
i usually say stupid things, because i feel cozy around You, i don't over think things,
i know that it is selfish of me, but i can't hold on to these feelings alone anymore,
and i am pretty sure love became a very confusing thing for me,
but i care for you as much as it is possible for a monster like me.

decisions decisions....logic really doesn't help in love matters.

ibenathan.deviantart.com