dream girl

i guess an introduction to the importance of this dream is needed:

i had and still have some problems with love, meaning that i find it really hard to feel close to someone. When i think about it, it might not be the feeling of love that i miss. Let’s put it in Ted’s (and if you are as sappy as I am and you love good comedy series, you should know who I am talking about) words:

“I used to believe in destiny, you know? I go to the beagle place I see a girl in line reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that has been stuck in my head all week and I think ‘WOW, hey, maybe she’s the one’ Now I think ‘I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole-wheat everything beagle<…>I stopped believing. Not in some depressed ‘I’m going to cry during my toast’ way<…>It’s just every day I think I believe a little less and a little less and a little     less and that      sucks.”

***

i am walking the streets of some small town and wondering if she’s going to show up today. Suddenly i am in a carnival with her by my side. Today she’s extra bouncy and we are enjoying ourselves playing every single game we can. Somehow i don’t feel the need to keep my face and start being dorky and bouncy as well. The evening passes and we’re sitting somewhere between one of those platforms that surround soccer fields. i am sitting lower and she’s sitting behind me embracing me with her hands, her long, soft hair are touching my neck as she softly whispers the words ‘I love you’ in my ear. i cannot explain the amounts of warmth and happiness that overflowed my whole body. i turned around and started mumbling like a fool ‘I never thought you even th…’ and then reality smacks me in the face.

***

Yup, the roles are a bit mixed up in this one but to me it doesn’t make it any less of an amazing dream.

It is also worth mentioning that the girl in the dream is the last girl i felt strong feelings for and i kind of still do, but i already made the choice and i’m dealing well with it.

In no way is this a memory that makes me sad or a blog entry which should make you feel bad for me, it’s more of a little fictional memory which makes me happy remembering it.